There Are More Things in this World Than You Have Dreamt of...

A friend of mine was holding a ladder for someone in a tree. That guy got a little careless (I assume), walked out on a branch, the branch broke, and that man is now paralyzed. I think he can still use his arms. He's fourty something with a wife and 2 kids.

The fall happened right in front of my friend. On the phone he told me that for at least a month after the accident all he could see was chuck (not real name) falling every time he closed his eyes. He sounded pretty nonchalant about it while telling me.

I write this as a reaction to Aak's experience. I blogged once before about being mugged/going through an extreme experience. What does that do to someone? I told Aak over gchat that this biking thing is exposing him to a whole range of human experience. (Roommate and I were talking last night about how he's becoming a pugnacious badass, a la "Fuck you!" Personally Aak is NOT like that. We became friends through playing chess and scrabble together.) But that concept of human experience is such a tepid abstract for me while reading about stuff here on a laptop. I'm reminded of the legions of young men in the early fourties who signed up excitedly to go out and fight a war in Europe. It seems romantic and educational, but I haven't been there.

People always ask me if I know Tyler Durden.

My First Near-VH Experience

The stoplight turned green. I biked upright through the first intersection and sat down to go through the second. The second one is always dangerous; it slopes down fast in the middle of the merging other highway. It was fine; no cars were running the red light on my right.

This part of my commute is the most stressful. I'm only on University Boulevard for a minute, but I have to get over to the left lane to make a left onto the Northwest Branch of Sligo Creek Trail. I'm going fast downhill in the middle of the right lane, the cars around me are going fast, and I don't have a bike mirror so I have to turn my head to see what's in the left lane.

I was going downhill. A car passed me on my left. I shifted my head slightly left and catch a white SUV close behind me. I figured the driver was irritated and trying to pass me.

The white SUV came really close behind me. I heard his engine boost. He came up close on my left, straddling the left and right lanes, to say sarcastically "Plenty of space on the side of the-"

"FUCK YOU" I shouted at him. "GET the FUCK out of my way! I am SUPPOSED to BE HERE."

Driver, scowling, sped up and ceased being a threat. I signaled and went into the left lane. I looked ahead at the upcoming turn, noted the traffic coming--

White SUV was in front of me. Braking. Stopping.

I grabbed my brakes. I darted my eyes to the other lane; cars whizzing by. I thought, I'm going to hit him and fall off my bike into traffic and die.

I shouted "FUCK YOU. YOU'RE FUCKING TRYING TO KILL ME. FUCK YOU."

White SUV lurched forward. I screamed "YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT."

I signaled again and went into the turning lane, where the median had given way. But the white SUV had pulled over on the right shoulder. The driver, white, grizzled facial hair, red in the face, orangy-salmony polo shirt, tan cargo shorts perhaps, was standing out of his SUV, looking at me, and saying "Let's talk."

Talk? To my would-be killer? Talk? With his fists?

No, I shake my head once, and scream, "YOU TRIED TO KILL ME. I'M TURNING LEFT. YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT." I turned left, saying again "YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT."

I was shaking and crying and ready to throw up for the next mile.

...

I am a safe cyclist. I'm not a pussy, though. I ride in the road. I follow the laws, which say that cars and bikes use the road the same ways. The laws also say that bikes are encouraged (not mandated) to use the right side of the road only if (a) there's room/the road is wider than 9 feet/there's a good shoulder or bike lane, (b) there is no danger on the right, e.g., parked cars that may open doors into the cyclist's path, and (c) the cyclist is not planning on making a left turn.

The driver probably did not intend to place me in mortal danger. He perhaps did not expect that I would have difficulty stopping myself when he braked three feet ahead of me. Maybe he thought I could go around, and then we could "talk."

If you're going to talk to cyclists, don't do it on a hill, on a busy road, at 30 mph, or at close range. And don't be sarcastic about it. And don't brake in front of them, giving them a heart attack or death outright. And don't expect them to talk it over calmly after your attempted vehicular homicide (VH).

The Ugliest Side of America

Americans have not had a great rep outside of our own country. It started with the image of fat, blundering tourists, waddling through countries and assuming everyone spoke English. It wasn't just the annoyance of having to deal with someone who refused to learn German when they were visiting Germany; it was the fact that Americans seemed to think they were speaking the one way everybody should speak. It was the audacity of getting upset when ranch dressing wasn't an option for your salad. It was how Communism won: the Commies understood how to talk to local people, understand them, and thus communicate with them.

The blustering image died away, but, in the wake of 9/11, a very similar image has arisen. We failed to reach the "hearts and minds" of Iraqis because we didn't understand their culture. But now it's no longer the Ugly Americans abroad who inspire distaste; tourists aren't coming to America any more. Our culture of fear, our paranoia, our crime, our treatment of foreigners all combine to ensure that our tourism industry has collapsed.

But who cares about what the foreigners think, right? We shouldn't care what all of the nations of the world think of us. Fine. But what about the ugliness that we, as fellow Americans, should not stand among ourselves?

This video has been going around and around the Internet. Please take a look:

I know that these people might be a vocal minority--might be--just as the liberals have a vocal minority who think trees are better than people, that 9/11 is some big conspiracy, and that Obama is the Messiah who will save our country and our souls.

But then I read all of these articles about McCain's rallies and what people are saying there.

Shouts of "traitor," "terrorist," "treason," "liar," and even "off with his head" have rung from the crowd at McCain and Sarah Palin rallies, and gone unchallenged by them.

...In two events this week, warm-up speakers at GOP rallies have used Obama's middle name, Hussein, to seed doubts about the Democrat, a tactic meant to draw attention to the false rumors that Obama is a Muslim, as well as to belittle him. "On Nov. 4, let's leave Barack Hussein Obama wondering what happened," a sheriff told Palin's Florida rally. (AP article)

In Minnesota on Friday, Mr McCain defended Mr Obama after some at the town hall meeting labelled him a "terrorist", "an Arab", a "traitor" and a candidate who inspired fear... At the Minnesota meeting, Mr McCain said Mr Obama was a decent family man and voters should not be afraid of him, but drew boos for defending him. (BBC article)

McCain, when he deals with these kinds of attacks, has been over the past few months prone to simply saying "That distracts from the issues." To my knowledge, McCain has never said to his crowds, "Barack Obama is not a terrorist." He's never said "Obama is not a Muslim." He denounces the bald attacks on Obama, but he is glad to use those radicals' words to get more votes. He doesn't want to say to his supporters, "you're wrong." He wants their votes, needs their votes, and so he will not take the moral high ground. He'll tread in the middle, going around the cries of "kill him" with a remark or two about the differences in their platforms.

Fleet Foxes Show, Black Cat, October 3

Envy me. I want to bask in your jealousy.

I was able to get in to see Fleet Foxes this past Friday.

... Come on, ENVY ME!

I guess you don't know who the Fleet Foxes are. I gather that most of DC doesn't know who they are. And yet, they sold out the Black Cat so quickly that all the indie kids were writhing their hands in agony. Tickets for the show were going for $125 on Craigslist. That's a $110 markup! So those in the know were quite envious when I told them I was going.

Even if you didn't envy me just by hearing their name, you should still consider yourself unlucky that you missed an awesome show.

The opening act was weird. Just one guy, sitting on the stage, no change in the lights. It was hard to tell from the back that he had even come onto the stage. I had to get up very close to hear and comprehend what was going on. He was a strange bird, with his white dress shirt buttoned up to the top-collar button. He played the banjo, the guitar, the fiddle, the slide guitar. His blues/roots music seemed cut from the O Brother Where Art Thou reels. His more instrumental songs were more pleasant to listen to, not just because he played them perfectly in his vein but also because his voice was hard to take. His singing voice seemed like an affected Appalachian twang, dissonant and strained. I couldn't tell if it was real or not. His whole act seemed so surreal, I couldn't tell what was true and what was false. Even his expression was hard to understand: he was scowling, frowning, and generally looking like he was having the worst time of his life. It was a very strange scene. I felt like the guy would be really interesting in a random bar in the South, but here, he was out of place.

Fleet Foxes came on pretty soon after that. They started with an a capella version of one of their songs. The harmonies set the tone for the night: pleasant, moving melodies, sung from their gut to yours.

I had listened to their CD a few times before the concert, but I hadn't really been a fan. Yes, sorry envious indie kid (I know you're out there), I took the ticket away from the real fans. But after the concert I understood the music better. I felt like I knew what they had been trying to do. The CD sounds a little hollow, a little distant, the voice hard to pick out of the guitars. But now I get it: it's all about the rawness of their concerts live.

Raw isn't the right word, because it connotes "unformed." Their melodies are very formed and calculated. They played a new song during their set, and they apologized before it and after about it not really being finished yet. What I mean by raw is simply the force of it. Maybe it was because I was standing four feet from the speakers on stage right, but the music was powerful, performed live. It made more sense, live, than it had on the CD.

The band was friendly, but they weren't really sure what to say to a DC crowd. They kept reverting to talking about politics. They asked if anybody'd seen Carville around, or served Rumsfeld a beer and gotten a bad tip. Someone from the audience replied that they'd seen Dick Cheney in the Self-Help section of a bookstore. The band asked if Cheney had "radiated" evil like they'd imagine he would. (I guess neocons wouldn't be coming to a Fleet Foxes show.)

Another guy from the audience kept shouting out "Bicycle Tusk!" I didn't know that song, but the lead singer was taken aback. "Bicycle Tusk? Did we go to high school together?"

The show felt warm and inviting. I didn't know the words to any of the songs, but they were easy to pick up. I was soon trying to sing along with most of the lyrics. The welcoming demeanor and the warm harmonies felt like singalongs were encouraged. Maybe the people right in front of me didn't appreciate it, but I don't care. It's not like I was louder than those 8-foot speakers.

So envy me; I got to know Fleet Foxes firsthand.

Late Night Italian Lessons

On Saturday night, I was at an impromptu bratwurst taste-test. Guess who showed up late? Mr. Hatandcoat! We ordered pizza after he arrived. After the pizza was eaten, people started to get "a little dizzy," and it was time to head home.

On my way out, Mr. Hatandcoat expressed his hope that I encounter something interesting on the Metro so I could blog about it. I said I hoped so, too. I unlocked my bike and rode to Rosslyn.

On the long elevator down to the platform at Rosslyn, I noticed for the first time that you can look out the side of the glass elevator and watch the people on the escalator. I looked through and watched a bunch of unsteady girls and a couple guys make their descent.

I got out of the elevator and walked my bike to the platform. I see a flash on the ceiling. I looked back and saw one of the unsteady girls with her camera out.

I was wearing my uber-dorky reflective vest (of the kind that construction workers and Metro employees wear) and an old hoodie. I did not look like the quintessence of style. So I was pretty self-conscious about my picture being taken. I was, until I realized that the girls were not speaking English and were taking pictures of everything. They took about 10 pictures in the five minutes we were waiting for the train.

When we got on the train, I stood with my bike in the door area (nowhere else to go) and the girls took the seats opposite me. Did I mention they were good-looking? I was guessing they were Italian. I've always liked Italian girls.

Then one of them asked me "Can I take a picture with?" I said sure. She posed with me and my bike. Then another one, the tallest and most leg-showing, got up and posed against me as well. I took the opportunity to ask where they were from, and, sure enough, they all said "Italy." The one with the legs asked me "Are you studying?" I said, "Yes. Japanese." They weren't really interested in that.

We ended up transferring at Metro Center together, too. The girls and their two guys had grouped together along the wall, and I stood waiting at the edge of the platform. I kept thinking, hm, how do I make conversation? I finally settled on showing interest in their language.

I went over to Legs and asked "Can you teach me some Italian?"

She said, "Yes. ...maybe."

I said, "What's 'hello'? I know goodbye is 'ciao'..."

"Hello is 'ciao.' It's also means goodbye. You say it at the beginning, and at the end."

"Ciao."

"Ciao."

I started to say something else, but then the train was coming, so I said, "Oh, the train is coming. What's 'train' in Italian?"

Legs looked confused and said, "I don't know, what's 'traing'?"

I pointed at the train coming. Legs said "Oh, train" and went over to gather her unsteady flock. We boarded the train together but didn't have much else to say. When they got out at New York Avenue, Legs smiled sweetly at me and said "Byeee."

I said, "Ciao."

She said "Ciao," and so did the rest of them.

Revelations about Palin

When I wrote this post on Sarah Palin, there was a lot of snap negativity towards her. I thought it was unfounded.

Whoops. She is a crazy person and a terrible choice for a vice president.

You've all seen her interview with Katie Couric, right? Where she sputters about topics she's not familiar with (foreign policy, economics)? I'm not even going to link to it, just Google "palin and couric."

As to the crazy part, well, she's crazy about God. Sorry, fundamentalist readers, but I don't want a fundamentalist evangelical Christian as VP. I really don't. I'll get into why a little later, in case it's not obvious.

Salon.com has an article which first alerted me to Palin's God problem. Here are some quotes:

• Another valley activist, Philip Munger, says that Palin also helped push the evangelical drive to take over the Mat-Su Borough school board. "She wanted to get people who believed in creationism on the board," said Munger, a music composer and teacher. "I bumped into her once after my band played at a graduation ceremony at the Assembly of God. I said, 'Sarah, how can you believe in creationism -- your father's a science teacher.' And she said, 'We don't have to agree on everything.'
• "I pushed her on the earth's creation, whether it was really less than 7,000 years old and whether dinosaurs and humans walked the earth at the same time. And she said yes, she'd seen images somewhere of dinosaur fossils with human footprints in them."
• Munger also asked Palin if she truly believed in the End of Days, the doomsday scenario when the Messiah will return. "She looked in my eyes and said, 'Yes, I think I will see Jesus come back to earth in my lifetime.'"

I've researched the creationist view before, and I've seen those pictures of "footprints." See here for a refutation: http://www.badarchaeology.net/data/ooparts/paluxy.php

Now look, if you think that Palin's free to believe whatever she wants, she is. But she has a habit of mixing politics and religion. And this is what is really scary: the people who say they believe they will see Jesus in this lifetime are actively working to make that happen. These are the people who like the conflict in the Middle East, because it means that Jerusalem is in turmoil, which of course means Jesus will come back. Would Palin start us towards apocalypse, just so she can go up in Rapture? I would say yes. Wouldn't you, if you believed you could jumpstart the salvation of mankind, try your hardest to do so?

For examples of how Palin mixes God with policies, here's a quote from the Huffington Post:

Alaska's governor asked the audience to pray for another matter -- a $30 billion national gas pipeline project that she wanted built in the state. "I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that," she said.

You remember how Palin thought that the Iraq war was a task from God (also quoted in the article). Apparently God's got a plan for everything. This is what these kinds of people believe. God has a plan for America. We've got to implement our faith in making laws. We've got to save the country's souls.

But wait, there's more. Palin's church invited and honored a certified witchhunter!

This is interesting. When I heard about her spiritual adviser holding witchhunts, I thought, that's impossible. No one in this country could stand for that, right?

I was half-right. Pastor Muthee is based in Africa, and that's where he found his witch and cast her out of town. But Palin's church invited him to speak about it! And Palin let him pray over her! And Palin considers him a great spiritual person in her life!

Some background info for you: African natives believe in witches. It's not a Christian idea. It comes from indigenous religious attitudes. They believe that anybody with negative emotions can be a witch. Witches are often unaware of their power. It's like, if I'm jealous of my brother, and then he trips over a root, I'm responsible for that, because the witch in me lashed out at him. (I've studied one such case in my Anthropology class.)

I had not heard of this concept being incorporated into evangelical churches in Africa. That's interesting. And scary. Like Sarah Palin.

America, be afraid. Because Palin is going to try to bring a little Revelation into the government.

Think I'm paranoid? I challenge you to ask Sarah Palin this question: "If you could do anything to bring Jesus back for the second coming, would you?" She will be unable to say no.

Alpha Dope

Here's a revelation: Bush is a horrible speaker. But I'm starting to wonder if it's on purpose. Check out this video:



I don't buy the presenile dementia.

I also remember him speaking just fine when they showed him chatting in a clip from the early 90's in michael moore's film. Is it his swagger? Is it a game where he proves to himself and his inner circle that he can talk like that in public and STILL be THE most powerful human? Is it a persona that he's put on like Stephen Colbert has? Does it serve some political purpose to be that way? I know when I talk to someone that stupid I lose interest and stop asking questions. Is that his way of deflecting media scrutiny?

I wonder this because I was watching Colbert last night and they showed a clip of him saying something incredibly stupid. I don't remember what it was, but it was indeed hilarious. But you'd think by now, nearing the end of his second term, if it were a priority he'd develop some clue about how to speak well in public. But no. I mean, we've had YEARS now of absolute gems. And they haven't trailed off as far as I can tell. Every time he breathes in public, he provides late night fodder. Obviously the Harvard MBA is not as dumb as he comes off. I'm thinking it might be deliberate.

Standout Indian Food?

Most Districted people who like Indian food don't really have a favorite Indian restaurant. They typically say, "Well, it's always pretty good, because I like Indian food."

Come on. I want to know where the best Indian food is. The standout Indian place.

Heritage India is good, but they're only slightly better than Delhi Dhaba. Mostly they're pretending to be upscale Indian. What's that? Indian food ingredients are the cheapest ever, right?

Taj Mahal, right next to Heritage India on Connecticut (south of Dupont Circle) is a good place to go when you're hungry; at lunch they have an all-you-can-eat buffet. But I know it's not awesome. Some dishes taste worse than storebought varieties.

I went to Ghar-E-Kabab this weekend in Silver Spring. It's Nepali-run but serves mostly just Indian food. (I was disappointed; I loved my Nepalese curry place in Toyama, Japan. Shout out to Chatori-Katori!)

Ghar-E-Kabab was tasty. The spinach curry warms the mouth with a nice, subtle spice. The chicken curry was simple and good. The nan was just okay. The waiters, kinda pushy. The overall meal was not standout.

I know where to go for kabob food. Ravi Kabob. It also has Indian food. It's in a strip mall in Virginia somewhere. It's too far for me to go just when I'm craving curry, but it is "standout." I want a Metroable standout Indian place in MD or the District. Too much to ask?

I Ain't 'Fraid o' Nuthin'

Play by play of the 13 question quiz:

1) Both. Proceeding to just pick one.

2)Don't know the answer - "When you raise taxes in a bad economy you eliminate jobs." Don't know if that's true. Is it always true? is it true in our situation? Is there someone who can answer this for me and show me the reasoning? Feel like both options are a starting place for further readind, not a dividing line.

3) Iraq issue, general stance: we NEVER should have gone there as far as I can tell, but since we are, it might be our responsibility to not leave until they are stable. I forget the terminology, but I lean toward progress based withdrawal vs timetables. I feel like this is a talking point from a year ago, though. The statements here don't seem to make assertions, just statements about attitudes. I'd like to know what the proposals are. Does Obama want a precipitous withdrawal? I chose the Obama statement, but I wouldn't want a sudden withdrawal.

4) Iraq: Man, I wish I could sit and pick the brains of people who are in the know.

5) Healthcare: my attitude predisposition led me to click Obama's, but is it the most practical? I don't f***ing know.

6) How to pay for Healthcare: I don't know. Neither statement makes sense, but the McCain seems to make less. This goes back to taxing the rich just because they have the scratch. Lame. I still chose the Obama one, though.

7) Immigration: Chose the Obama one, but only because I had a convo with roommate and her boyfriend about this issue recently. They won me over. If I had a conservative roommate, I'd probably have a different view.

8) Earned Citizenship: I think I chose the Obama one, but I am NOT qualified to weigh in here. It does seem impractical to me to deport 12 million people. I don't know what illegal immigration does to our country. I can tell you that the restaurant industry would cease to put food on the table and wash dishes so abundantly.

9) Abortion: Obama. I don't see any gray area on this one.

10) Gay Marraige: Both are anti based on these quotes. That's stupid. Why not? Oh, right, we're a religious whackball country and letting a man and a man f*** under a holy or pseudo holy union would alienate too many.

11) Global Warming: I don't know about this one. I do think that this is probably a political issue more than a scientific one, but we obviously need a hard reduction on carbon emissions. Which approach is more practical: Hard cap or whatever else the other one asserts? The hard cap says 80% below 1990 levels vs the other's 60%. Let's see, which is the greater number... Duh. Of course I want the greater reduction. Is it practical? Who the f*** knows? I'm going to click with the optimism that it is.

12) Judges and the court: ??? Well, both sound great. I guess. I don't understand. I'm going to close my eyes and click. Almighty prejudice tells me that I don't want hard-line conservatives in those jobs. Stance subject to massive change.

13) Commander in Chief: Both statements are vague. Close eyes and click.

DONE!

I'm an Obama-ite. I must admit that I enjoyed this quiz very much.

And in response to my assignment: the speaker of the quote was pretty obvious most of the time.

Challenge for My Co-Blogger

I took this quiz at ABC News that is supposed to help you pick the candidate that you most relate to. It shows you quotes from the two presidential candidates (the two that matter, that is) and you pick the quote that you like the best.

Since I have a decent working knowledge of the candidates' policies, I was able to figure out who had said what before the quiz revealed it in the answers. Still, there were some that I was stumped by.

My Challenge: Hatandcoat, take ye this quiz, and report back. You don't have to tell us which candidate ABC News picked for you. Your challenge is to see if you can predict who said what. This will give us all insight into how aware you have become.

I Am Not Spartacus

I don't wholeheartedly identify with liberal thinking like my Mom and my Co-Blogger. I might, I just don't think so at this point.

Here's one issue that my instincts say bulls*** to: the death tax. I'm also not generally a fan of requiring the wealthy to pay much more in taxes just because they can. Those are more conservative viewpoints. If I made a senseless amount of money I would voluntarily give that money but I don't see what right I would have to require the same of the guy down the hall in my luxury high rise.

I remember finding a website once that layed out all the basic political philosophies in a paragraph each. I think libertarian was my most fitting one. Basically they say "do whatever you want" both socially and fiscally. So, socially liberal and financially conservative. Sounds great, but I have genuinely disliked libertarians I have met.

I am chewing gum right now. I remember seeing a special about how Japanese swordsmiths work. They fold the metal over and over so it gets harder and harder. I want to try that with this gum. I'm using my tongue and teeth to make it happen.

Duh, it won't happen, now that I think about it. I'll have to resort to my favorite gum chewing activity. I make it a long string, paste it along my front teeth, flatten it out with my tongue, and blow so that it pops in about 8 different places. Kinda satisfying. I also like the satisfaction of eating baby carrots so that the crunch is extremely loud. I make my mouth a cavern so that it echoes. I probably doesn't make any difference, but it feels like it does.

If I were a superhero I would be "Lord of Chaos." I used to have a fantasy about being able to control random events in the environment so that they'd follow my will. So, if some foe across the room were bothering me I'd be able to drop a marble 1/2 foot in front of me. That marble would cause a stir of dust, which would make a tiny flock of dust mites to run to my right, they would run onto a bristle in the carpet which would bend and on and on until gust of wind picks up a used fork and hurls it a my foe's forehead. People would totally underestimate the Lord of Chaos to their demise.

Who's Ugging Whom?

Rode the Metro today, no bike. I don't bike when it's wet out.

At my stop, a couple that had been chatting the whole way on the train stepped out onto the platform just ahead of me. They were still talking. They took the down escalator, but then they faced "The Conversation-Escalation" problem.

When two people who are conversationally inclined get onto the DC Metro's escalators, they only have two polite options: standing on the right on different steps, or walking down together on the left. If it's not rush hour, no one's going to kill you if you want to talk to your friend on the same level, blocking the left (or passing) lane... as long as you move over when we tell you to. But during busy times that's not an option, and your conversation must suffer a brief respite.

This couple obviously had not planned well. They took the escalator two abreast, but the girl got stuck on the right while the guy went down on the left. I noticed the girl's annoyance, so I let her ahead of me in the passing lane with a "Go ahead."

She said, "Thanks a lot. Ugh." She went in front of me and followed her guy. I kind of forgot about it. Then she said, "I wasn't ugging you."

I realized she was talking to me. I said, "Huh? What did you say?"

She said "I wasn't ugging you. I was ugging him, for going ahead. You know, it could have been interpreted..."

"Oh," I said, "Don't worry about it." I hadn't thought she was ugging me. I thought she was ugging the situation, the Metro, the escalator rules, her guy, anything other than me. After all, I was the one who let her in. In this town, that's something to be really thankful for.

But now I know a new word. Ugging. To ug. I'm thinking a lot about words these days. See my post on Hatandcoat, which I put up just after this one, for more wordmania.

Time to Opine

Ok, two paragraphs in and I already have a reaction: Creationism.

I have long thought that I don't have any political opinions. It seemed that political opinions, for those interested, come from the same place that makes people say "I like/dislike [such and such a movie/dessert/book]." Unfortunately they do and people, it seems, act on such opinions without facts and think-through. A given issue seems answered by their unconscious brain as soon as a given topic is discussed. That's exactly what I want to avoid. Of course, the opposite end of the spectrum is me who eschews the whole damn thing because I don't feel for anything.

But on the issue of creationism I think I'm a knee-jerk liberal on this one. When I think about the issue, albeit infrequently, I think "Ok, you creationists are wrong. It's clear. Can we please stop talking about it? Please? I don't want to hear about it again." The best word to describe my feeling is bored. But I'm realizing that since I have such an opinion and others out there have the exact opposite opinion, that's what makes it a political issue. Thus I have a political opinion. I don't know how to go about suggesting how my stance should be implemented nationwide and I don't know how to go about properly insulting those who disagree with it, which seems the real point of politics. I realize that there are MASSIVE aspects of this issue eluding me as I write this post, but I also do realize that I have a starting point - my own opinion - to go about doing research if I'm so inclined.

I also realize that I don't fully understand what "creationism" means as I write this. That is an important point for me. I'm taking a stance on a political issue with incomplete knowledge. Before I would engage a creationist on any sort of debate I will have to do a lot of reading, but to think privately on this issue I am very comfortable with my stance where it lies.

Yes, I did need to spell all this out, if only for my own understanding.

I must regret that I have told my family about this blog. I was going to make an off color joke earlier that would have made me laugh while writing it, but I had to censor myself. Drat! My Dad just sent me an e-mail the other day telling me that he gets updates about my life from these blogs. That's cool, but I miss smut talk sometimes.

Hi, Dad.

Got the Go-Ahead: Political Post

(Update: Please ignore the positive spin I tried to put on Palin. She is horrible. See my latest post on her: http://districted.blogspot.com/2008/10/revelations-about-palin.html)

I kind of love FactCheck.org. I was thinking about writing a post about Palin and all the slightly incorrect statements out there, and they went ahead and did a video on it:

I'm guilty of Palin-paranoia as well. One of the first things I heard about her was that she supported teaching Creationism in schools. She actually only said she didn't think it should be forbidden from debate if students want to discuss it.

The next thing I heard about her was the book-banning thing. What actually happened was that Palin asked a librarian if she would agree to ban books from the library if the administration asked her to. The librarian said she would not agree to ban anything. Then Palin tried to get the librarian fired, but enough people supported the librarian that she was able to keep her job. Was there a correlation? Maybe.

Recently Palin said that the Iraq war was "a task that is a task from God," but she went back on herself: check it out here in her interview.

So Palin is not the demon we fear. But my problem with Palin is this: she's still scary. She is willing to discuss banning books, if that's what her constituents want. She has appeared to change tactics and beliefs from election to election, if that's what will make her win. When she has power, she doesn't appear able to wield it impartially (see librarian-firing above and "troopergate"). She's wishy-washy on gay couples' rights: no they can't be married, yes they should be treated equally (see here). Honestly, Democrats don't know what to make of her. The only thing they can stick to her is her pro-life-ness and her NRA-love.

I see an ideologue without an ideology of her own. She appears to stand for something, but I don't know what it is. I just know that she isn't standing for my beliefs (freedom of speech, not banning books; greater separation of church and state; not drilling for oil when we need green energy; politicians working for the American people and not on tasks "from God").

I see the same kind of thing in McCain. I don't believe that his stance on "moral values" is real. But I do know that he is not going to be a good President, for the very reason that his "values" aren't his own.

Liberals are scared of Bush, McCain, and Palin because liberals value freedom of and from religion, not just freedom to be Christian. Liberals think that elected officials should be accountable, not free to fire contrary librarians and public safety officials. Liberals value intelligent and independent decisionmakers, not "deciders" who need to consult with Karl Rove every time they make a move. And liberals like books so much that the mere mention of "banning" horrifies them into a fugue state. They won't care if it was a rhetorical question, Sarah; it was the wrong rhetorical question for a leader and possible VP to ask.

I ain't sayin' Obama/Biden's the Second Coming, but they don't scare me nearly as much as McCain/Palin.

Learn to Drive, Jackass

Here's why I don't like road rage: if you're in the car with the ragist it kills the mood. If I'm in the passenger seat and the driver is reacting every 8 seconds to minor infractions outside our cab, I don't know what to say or do with myself. I'm at a loss for words. I try to respond with a "yeah" or "that guy is seriously dumb" to show some solidarity, but it feels awkward and forced. When I think about it I suppose that that other guy shouldn't be cutting over two lanes while leaving oil slicks behind and throwing pennies at other cars, but to be honest I don't care in the least. I'm generally wanting to ride and chat but a conversation interruption makes me have to pause against my will. Bull.

When my driver is mad I generally find something within the next 5 or so minutes that he/she should not have done. Not because ragists are bad drivers. It's just impossible not to f*** up while driving in some minor way all the time. And a little less often, bigger mistakes are inevitable too. Hell, I'm sure Aak's been rear ended on his bike a few times by some perfectly conscientious vehicle operators. But if I point such things out right after a flip out, I'm jeopardizing later ride offers. My roommate tells a story once about how her ultra-logical android friend made such a comment to her after a rage. This friend is no longer alive.

I suppose post-rage awkwardness goes for raging in general, not just while driving. I've been the awkward observer before, but I've been the flip-out artist as well. If I'm watching, say, super bowl XXXIX and Donovan McNabb is moseying up to the line taking his sweet-ass time while the clock is ticking, I'm going to explode. I don't care if he's sick and vomiting on the field. When I do flip out and see awkward silence in anyone around me I feel terrible. I want to crack a joke and break the tension, but it's too late. It's a very unfortunate feeling. Fortunately all my experiences with such things have been minor because I do not have an especially rough temper.

Really, the friend is fine, btw. She's out in California getting her PhD in Physics. Don't even get me started on California drivers.

A Couple More Things That Need To Go: What I Hate about You

Revisiting and continuing the list from last month:

1. Ironic strike-out text in blogs.

2. "I just threw up a little in my mouth."

3. Putting your Facebook status to "is" or "just is." That is seriously lame. In the past 72 hours, six different people on my friends list have put their status as "is." And I don't have that many friends. (I guess I'll have fewer if they find out I'm calling them lame. Oh well. At least my Facebook homepage will be infinitesimally less lame overall, then.) Be more descriptive, or don't update.

4. Commercials that resort to using the song "What I Like about You" by The Romantics. A non-exhaustive list on Wikipedia includes 8 products that this song has been used to hock. It's used in movies nonstop. A few years after the song's release, The Romantics actually filed a lawsuit against their managers because the song was licensed for commercial use without their consent. THAT WAS IN NINETEEN EIGHTY-SEVEN. I heard the poppy little ditty in the background of a Papa Johns' commercial last week. Advertising companies, there is more music in the world. Resorting to "What I Like about You" is a give-up move.

Review of Jerry Springer: The Opera

Read "Jerry Springer" and "the Opera" together and you think "low-brow" meets "high-brow." That could be interesting, right?

No. It's low-brow all the way to hell.

If you're like me and have already gotten a handle on the "voyeurisma" and patheticness that talk shows like Jerry Springer's perpetuate, then "Jerry Springer: the Opera"* will not make you think at all. Well, maybe you'll think "oh, I guess this is entertaining... sometimes..."

I don't care that it made fun of Christian stuff, that it portrayed Jesus as kind of a jerk, etc. I watch South Park. Making fun of Christianity can be really funny, especially when the jokes are incredibly wrong. Too bad "Jerry Springer: the Opera" wasn't written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. They would have made it great. (Hint to Stone & Parker: rewrite it as a movie! I'd watch that.)

I don't care that the profanity is unrelenting. It was so filled with curses that they became boring. It was funny when the chorus said "a Chick with a Dick." It got less funny when they repeated it over and over again with the same intonation.

That was "opera"? Trite white-trash cliches repeated in various registers in an "operatic" style? I'm not an operagoer, but I've listened to a few. I didn't know what the singers were saying, but it sounded like something interesting at least. Again, I'm not an expert, but I also don't think you can call this play an "opera" without actual opera singers and a bit more grandiosity in the music.

I think "Jerry Springer: the Musical" would have been a better thing to write. Then the writers would have been under some more obligation to write lyrics that were interesting. Or that told a story.

My Final Negative Thought: There was a point at which I turned to my date and said, "Did we accidentally sneak into The Producers?" There is a recurring number that sounds just too much like "Springtime for Hitler." There's even a similar dance number.

But there were good things: several of the actors were good. Jerry was fantastic and delivered lines like a champ. The Devil was perfect and deserved a better show. All of the ensemble played their parts well. Diaper Man was hilarious. Diaper Man's lover sang a nice song, the only nicely written one in the play. The energy of the cast punctuated the boring profanity and made me smile in spite of myself.

But apparently other audiences found this catastrophe great. It's been selling out all over. They extended the run here in DC (until today, so this review's a bit pointless). The popularity of this unthoughtful, boring, low-shock-value "opera" reminds me of the movie within the movie Idiocracy. You know, where the most popular movie of the future is called "Ass" and is just a 90-minute-long shot of an ass. When it farts, everybody dies laughing.

*I guess the Studio Theatre has a resident geek; this production has an extensive writeup in the Wikipedia link.

Perceived Impoliteness

Today I had to get from College Park to Dupont Circle in 45 minutes or less. I got my bike gear (helmet, bag, padded shorts), biked to the College Park on the Green Line, and took the Green to U Street.

In the Metro, I've been barked at for walking my bike up the stationary stairs, so I usually stick to the elevators, even when I'm in a rush. I also use the handicapped gate to enter and exit the stations with my bike. It's the only way I can enter or exit. The other gates are just wide enough for my bike, but the good people of Metro really don't like it when bikers use those.

So I went over to the only handicapped gate on the 13th Street side. There was a tall, skinny white guy who was slowly walking toward the gates on the other side (coming into the station). I was going faster. The guy lingered in front of the handicapped gate on the other side, making no move to use it, but looking at me. I put my Smartrip card on the panel and opened the gate.

The guy then looked pissed off and says "Oh, sure."

I ignored him and continued through the gate. He stayed where he was, right at the exit of my gate. I squeezed past him, my elbow lightly touching his arm. He said, "Uh, excuse me?!" I ignored him and went on my way.

I'm relatively sure that he will tell his friends that he met the rudest biker ever today, who took his gate, didn't apologize for it, and nearly knocked him down. According to this guy, I was impolite.

Was I?

I'm guessing that he was a transplant from a more verbal city. In DC, our mottoes are "Don't Talk to Me" and "Get Out of the Way." Those aren't my mottoes, though. I just don't talk to the crazies. A man who wants to use the handicapped gate when all of the other gates are free, and who then doesn't make a move to use it but just stands in the way of someone who needs it, is a crazy.

He Used to be a Caveman. But Now He's a Lawyer.

So, for some reason I have found myself referencing early 90s Saturday Night Live sketches
in conversation a lot. So much so that girlfriend has come to wonder what I spent my whole childhood doing other than watching comedy. Part of that is because in the same way that when you learn something new you see it referenced a lot all of a sudden, I've found it also true that once you bring up a topic it can come up again and again in your own mind for a little while. But it's also true that I did watch a good deal of SNL when I was younger. And I'm happy I did.

The early 90s...that was the original cast for me. My parents used to wonder how I could be entertained my that crowd while all the good originals were gone. Fair enough. I just look back so fondly on Chris Farley, Mike Myers, David Spade, Phil Hartmann, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Victoria Jackson, Julia Sweeney, Chris Rock (briefly), Kevin Nealon, Ellen Cleghorne, Dana Carvey, and Tim Meadows.

Sketches off the top of my head: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, the Denise Show, the Tim Meadows Cyrano Debergerac skit with Alec Baldwin, the Chippendales sketch, Chris Farley Show (it had its moments), Middle Aged Man, Wayne's World, Deep Thoughts, Mr. No Depth Perception, Frank Sinatra Meets Sinead O'Conner, Opera Man, Nat X, The Hollywood Minute, The Chris Farley Weekend Correspondent who said everything in quotes, Van Down by the River, Mike Myers' Hyperactive Kid, Simon, Joe Montana as the really honest guy, Hot Button, and so much more.

I knew someone who claimed that the rule of thumb was that if the title of the sketch described the whole joke of the sketch, that meant it sucked. Generally true. But sometimes that's what made it funny. Like Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. You knew what was going to happen every time, but Phil Hartman carried it off so well.

Some of those sketches are only funny in retelling. They're kind of boring to actually watch.

I have heard that SNL is good again. I'm skep. I haven't watched it in ages, though. I flicked it on the other night but lost interest and did something else while it was in the background. It seemed boring. I do want to see Michael Phelps when he hosts, though.

On Dogs and Whispering

My Scrabble-date with an OkCupid* girl was called off on account of a summer cold, so the only girls I'm hanging out with today are the ones I'm dogsitting.  I won't go into detail about them, except to say that they're sweet and cute and I love them.  One is a people-dog, very interested in humans, and the other is a dog-dog, preferring the canine kind to the point of being terrified of people.  She's accepted me as pack leader, so we're good.  

Due to these wonderful lady dogs, I have been more successful in dating.  Not only do they give me something to talk about in random emails to potential dates, they have also gotten me a number.  

I was on one of our evening walks in Capitol Hill when we ran into a blonde with her little chihuahua mix.  The dogs became friends, and so we walked to the park together.  When I had to leave (my girls were feeling anxious for home), the blonde said "See you again," and I said "Yeah."  The next evening, I waited until about the same time I'd seen the blonde walking her dogs, and sure enough, we met up.  But on the walk to the park, I realized I had neglected to bring paper and pen, or even my cellphone.  As I was leaving, I said, "See you tomorrow maybe?  Around 7?"  She said "Yeah, probably."  So the next day we met up (right at 7) and walked the dogs together again.  Again, my girls were not feeling very social, so I left kind of early, but I got the blonde's number before I left.  That was Friday.  

Friday night, I got sucked into watching Cesar Millan the Dog Whisperer's show.  (See picture above.)  Even though he says the same kind of things to almost everybody (be relaxed, be assertive, be the pack leader), it's good TV.  I really liked watching the moments when the owners realize they are the problem, not their dogs.  

As a child, my parents thought I was going to grow up to be a vet.  They always said that I had a good connection with animals.  This may be true, but I'm not as familiar with them as Mr. Millan.  I often have a tough time figuring out who exactly is lead dog.  And I often don't know what an aggressive dog is feeling, or why it's feeling that way.  Millan's ability to do so is pretty impressive.  

I took a break from dogs for a few years, but I started to get back into them when a couple of friends of mine were intensely focused on training their dog.  I learned about dominance, about ignoring when behavior is bad, and about good ways to reward good behavior.  Then my father got a puppy, and I had one to practice on!  I read up on the things to do, and I pretty much raised that little mini-schnauzer like my own.  I apparently paid too much attention to him, though.  He became codependent and would cry whenever left alone in his crate.  When left alone out of his crate, he ate a rare book, many pillows, a remote control...  Additionally, he didn't interact very well with my stepmother's dogs (wild things that were never trained at all).  My dad eventually had to give him away, which was really sad.  

I'd like to be a dog trainer in Japan, simply because Japanese families have the worst relationships with their dogs I've ever seen.  They barely train the dogs.  They keep them outside on a chain in a fenced-in area all day and night.  The feeling is that "Dogs are wild animals, not humans, and so it's better to leave them be."  This is better, in theory, than treating dogs as human beings, but the implementation is awful.  Unfortunately, there's no market for a dog trainer over there.  Nobody knows that they could have dogs be so much better and happier just by accepting them into their family's "pack" and giving them a bit more attention and purpose.  

Over here, it's time to let the dogs out.  They're downstairs, hovering around the door.  Who leads whom?   Hmmm...

*A free site where I've had 300% more success than at Match**.  

**My colleague informs me that this figure is not clear.  I still think there's some underlying logic to it, but, for his sake, I will do real math:  I've emailed 18 girls on Match.com, and they've either not emailed me back or it's gone nowhere.  On OkCupid, I've emailed 9 people and 3 of them are getting somewhere.  So it's surely safe and accurate to say that I've had a 33.3% rate of success on OkCupid, which is more than I've had at Match.com.  

I had a good title for this post but I forgot it.

Some time ago I picked a book up called The Memory Book by Harry Lorayne. I have no idea if it's revolutionary or regurgitated stuff from previous memory experts but I'm a big fan.

At first I challenged people around me to give me a list of random items that I would memorize quickly and have it last. It was a new toy. Now I can actually see how such tricks can help in a practical situation. I took a job waiting tables to pay the rent while going back to school. I had to memorize the items on the menu and the ingredients and drinks and everything quickly. These techniques worked like a charm. They take a little bit of effort initially to get the memorization down, but once you're in the habit it's well worth it. I don't have an especially good natural memory, so I needed something like this.

It involves visualization techniques. If you have a list of items to memorize you picture something ridiculous about it, then it somehow interacts in a ridiculous way with the next item on the list, then the next and so on. The key word there is ridiculous. Otherwise the items won't stay in your head. For instance, here are some sandwiches on our menu: Portobello mushroom sandwich, Turkey Burger, Mushroom Swiss Burger, HickoryBurger. I picture the portobello lying on the floor like a carpet, then a turkey walking over it toward a large mushroom which it starts pecking at. The mushroom has the swiss flag on it, and a piece of hickory wood sticking out the top. A hick picks up the wood, kind of like cletus the slack-jawed yokel, and then more items and more. Once I have the sequence of things down I then have to drill it a couple times, go away, and come back later and drill it again. If there's a fuzzy image at one step, I need to change it a little to make it more clear. It's a very creative process. Once I have the sequence in my head, I can fill it in with details. Like, the turkey patty is ground with carrots and celery and onions, so I picture my turkey with a large serving bowl strapped to its back with those items sticking out.

I'm amazed at how quickly I memorized everything, kept it straight in my head, and how well it stuck. It was way, way more effective and fun than any rote memorization I've ever done. The fun part is what makes me want keep doing it which is most important. There are other techniques for numbers and formulas which I plan to use for my forthcoming math studies. I'm pretty psyched that I learned about this stuff.

Now, if I can only find a way to cure absent-mindedness.

Mix-n-Match

I am on Match.com. And that, dear Reader, is why there have been fewer updates in the blog arenas.

I find that I am exercising the same muscles emailing random pretty girls that I use when blogging. This is because some profiles leave you with so little to work with, you have to be creative. Or at least that's the approach I've taken. Here are some examples of first emails I've sent:

Title: What is the what

I haven't read it; I just like the title. I haven't even read Eggers's Heartbreaking Work yet, but I plan to.

I've also never been to Paris, but I would love to, someday. Hopefully when the dollar is stronger, or when flying isn't so much of a hassle (here's hoping). Would you say that San Francisco is the Paris of the West Coast? I imagine some similarities.

Have you been to Great Falls yet?

Take care,
(real name)

Result: Nothing.

Title: Hi

Oh fellow photographer, where's your favorite place around here to take pictures?

(I don't have a favorite place, myself. Not around DC, at least. I loved taking pictures in Alaska.)

Another question: you list chocolate and cheese as two of your favorite things. If you had to give up one for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I hope this beautiful weekend is treating you well.

Result: Nothing

Title: Hi

Love the red jacket in your profile picture. Where'd you get it?

Result: Nothing

Title: Dropping the Gauntlet (Hatandcoat helped on this one)

So, you like clever chefs, huh? I met Mr. Brown once. He licked my friend's salt container and sensed she'd made pork chops the night before. Weird guy.

Outdoors are good. I bike every day. I have biked to Baltimore. I'm probably better than you at biking. Do you want to race?

I'm a terrible swimmer, though. Our battleground shall be above sea level. How many triathlons have you done?

My last name is Slovak, too. Hope we're not related.

-AAK

Result: No direct response, but she changed her profile to say "I train 20 hours per week, so I'm probably faster than you. I hope you're comfortable with that ;)".

Title: I'm Gumby, Dammit (Hatandcoat also contributed here)

I'm guessing you liked A Clockwork Orange for all of the linguistic touches Burgess put in. His mixture of English and Russian was endemic of the times, and shows a dichotomy between the upper classes and the lower, downtrodden souls who resort to ultra-violence as their only means of escape. Thrilling work.

I'll be here all night.

Seriously, though, I am very interested in your work with the ESL program. I taught English in Japan for a year, and I would love to start up again around here. Do you use English in the classroom or do you only use English? I can't speak Spanish, but I've always wanted to learn.

Awesome Wayne's World costumes! Any plans yet for a Halloween outfit? I'm thinking of dressing up as the yip-yip alien from Sesame Street. You know: "Yep-yep-yep-yep-BRRRRING! BRRRRING!"

-AAK

Result: Nothing

Title: I Am a Balance Beam

Oh wait, balance beams don't actually have balance themselves... I mean I am a spinning gyroscope. I am all about balance.

My favorite sushi joint is Sushi Taro. Not because it has the best sushi. It's better than most places, but I don't know if it's the best. I like it because Japanese people won't go anywhere else. Most of the Japanese lawyers I know will only go there for business lunches or when their families come over. I get such a kick out of seeing them in the restaurant with their family or business partners; they all really enjoy it. They love the place. That's what makes it special, for me. You go in there and you feel like the restaurant is loved.

So what kind of camera are you rocking in that picture? Mine's a Nikon D300. I'm hoping to upgrade to a D700 as soon as I get some more photo gigs. D3's still out of my reach, though.

Result: Nothing.

Title: Monkeys

I wish I had a monkey picture. Why do all my friends have pictures of themselves with monkeys? Really. All my friends have shots of themselves cradling a chimp or bathing in a hot spring with Macaques or walking into the sunset holding a hairy hand. I'm jealous. How did you get your monkey pic?

I match you in all ways except the "cares about his job" part. I hate my current job, so I'm switching to part-time while I study to get into a career that I'm passionate (but not obsessed) about. So, if that's cool with you, drop me a line, eh?

-aak

Result: Nothing

So yeah. Match.com. Pretty lame so far. I'll try to get wackier in my emails as my paid-for time goes by. Look forward to THOSE, dear Reader.

Engagement Arrangement

I'm so excited!

No, I'm not engaged.  But my friend Ephraim* is.  After forging his own set of rings out of molten gold (Aak: "So I guess you get a discount, for having to do all the work."  Ephraim:  "You'd think that, but you'd be wrong."), he finally proposed to his longtime ladyfriend.  They're getting married next year on the West Coast.  

I offered to do their engagement photos.  For free.  It's going to be awesome.**  I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but it'll be awesome.  

Except for the free part.  It's okay this once.  I like doing things for friends, so I try to give them some gratis photo shoots once in a while.  Also, I need to embiggen my portfolio.  I plan on asking a few friends to pose for practice head shots soon.  

Before I made him this offer for free engagement photos, Ephraim offered to fly me to the West Coast if I would then photograph his wedding.  Nope.  Already did that for someone else, but never again.  Weddings are a huge amount of labor for my kind.  And although I desire portfolio-stuffing material, the thought of that much work for no pay makes me queasy.  

I need some lights, light stands, umbrellas, and a D700... just kidding.  I'll hold off on buying the new multi-thousand-dollar camera.  For now.  

*"Ephraim" is not his real name.  I just wish I knew an Ephraim.

**"Ephraim" still has to clear it with the lady, but really, how can she say no?  Free photos!  Who could say no to that?  

The Good People of Metro

The good people of Metro are not jerks. They are not trying to be difficult with you. They are the best at what they do.

If it seems like none of the good people of Metro have the ability to reason or think beyond what they have been told, so much the better. For, if one of the good people of Metro started using his or her brain, then some Metro riders would be treated differently than others. That is not allowed. All must be treated with the same distance, monotone voice, and clear-cut rules.

For example: if you want to ride the Metro with a bike, you must not use the escalator. You must use the elevator. The rules are clearly stated. There is no third option. You must follow the rules.

There are some who might say that there are such things as "stairs." This is impossible. Stairs are not referred to in the rules. There are only "escalators" and "elevators."

Thus, if you attempt to carry your bicycle up a set of stairs (solid, stone, stationary stairs), one of the good people of Metro will automate herself over to you and announce the rules to you, like so:

"You cannot take your bicycle on the escalator."

There is no point in saying "But these are stairs," for the good woman of Metro will say:

"You cannot take your bicycle on the escalator. The elevators must be used at all times. You must use the elevator. You did not know. You need a pamphlet."

There is no point in saying "But stairs aren't the same as escalators," for she will say only:

"The elevators must be used. You did not know. The elevators must be used."

Thank you, good woman of Metro, for levelly dealing with all riders with the same dispassion, the same ruthless appeal to the rules, the same attention to the same language in every Metro station. Thank you, good people of Metro, for the purest form of public service: rendering every interaction lifeless, unimaginative, and most importantly, the same for everyone. All Hail the Good People of Metro!

The $5.06 Burrito

I go to Baja Fresh a few times a month. It's just across the street from the office. The Burrito Ultimo, while no Chipotle, is still a pretty good burrito. It's pretty cheap, but I've got a way to make it $2.00 cheaper every time.

The receipts. Almost every receipt has a website on it where you can rate Baja Fresh's service and get $2.00 off your next purchase. I fill out the survey, say I "May or May Not" recommend Baja Fresh to a friend, and I get a code to write on my receipt. I buy another burrito for $5.06 and get another receipt with the same deal on it.

This has been going on for a year. One time, just once, I got a free drink instead. don't know how they're staying in business.

Oh wait. Laziness. They're counting on everybody being too lazy to read their receipts. Must be working.

A friend of mine has been doing the same thing. The cashiers were on to him, because he was practically coming in every day. They refused to give him the receipt once. Little did they know, he had another back in the office. They gave up afer he stopped going there every day.

Enjoy your burritos! (It works on tacos and the rest of the menu, too.)

Lists

After a previous post, I got to thinking about lists. I was thinking about what subject matters of expertise could conceivably get me excited. Like, if I were to meet such an expert, would I feel compelled to pick his/her brain? I don't really want to delve into such a list here because I have NO idea how to be comprehensive about it, but I will start a list of movies that are on my list of all-time favorites. Not comprehensive, but what the hell. Some of them have passed the test of rewatchability, some are childhood faves, and some just are simply awesome. It's in no order, except the first one.

The Shawshank Redemption (#1)
Batman - 1989
Batman Begins
Groundhog Day
Karate Kid
Karate Kid II
Swiss Family Robinson
Boyz in the Hood
City Slickers
Braveheart
Fight Club (though I think I've killed it by now)
The Parent Trap (What can I say? I have an older sister who I followed unquestioningly when I was 6.)
Forrest Gump
Clerks
The Godfather (though also killed)
Saving Private Ryan
Platoon
1st half of Full Metal Jacket
We Were Soldiers (Note: I like war movies)
Ronin

And now I'm stretching to think of more. I'm going to think of others probably 5 minutes after I post this, but this is all I have right now. There are some others that I really love but feel like someone else's thing for some reason, like The Princess Bride, Heat, Big Fish, and so many more. Braveheart and Ronin straddle that line, but Braveheart has to be the most rewatchable movie in history and Ronin has such an awesome feel.

I like the idea of collecting such a list over time, be it movies, music, hobbies, or whatever.

Getting Eight Times As Worked Up

Regarding Hatandcoat's nit-pick, is there any evidence to say that Slate didn't mean 9 times as much air when they said "eight times more air"? I'm not saying Slate's so great that they couldn't mess it up, but maybe they said what they meant. Cut Slate some slack, dog. Why you got to be so "ignorant"? (That'll get Hatandcoat going.)

Anyway, I settled down after lunch about the whole revolving door thing. And then I came across two things that have been bothering me for a while. And they need to stop.

1. Strike-out text. Example:

Few people in DC seem to understand this kind of outlook on life, which may be why I have no friends so many people seem so skittish and scared to say anything that doesn't align with whatever politically correct group of douches they've pigeon-holed themselves into. (The Anti DC)

Ah. You almost typed something embarrassing and self-deprecating but perhaps true, but then you thought better of it and crossed it out. Yet I can still see what you meant or were going to say. Ah. That is funny. Except I've seen it done too many times. I no longer find it cute.

2. "I just threw up a little in my mouth."

I did a quote search for that exact phrase in Google. There were 25,200 results.

People. Stop saying this. It was old when my girlfriend-at-the-time started saying it about everything that was just a little nauseating. That was 2003. FIVE YEARS AGO it was old.

There seems to be confusion over when this quote started being repeated by everyone. Some think it came from the movie Dodgeball, but I find it hard to believe that that movie originated anything. Besides, it came out in 2004, and I had broken up with the throw-up-girl by then.

Nit-Pick

It seems an odd thing to get worked up over, but if it does save a significant amount of energy then maybe you should spread awareness. I for one knew nothing.

There's a common linguistic foible in that article that I hear ALL THE TIME. Here's the sentence:

"According to their calculations, the swinging door allowed as much as eight times more air to pass through the building than the revolving door."

Eight times more means nine times as much.

It's a good bet, I gather from common usage, they really mean that if the revolving door allows one unit of air, then the swinging door allowed as many as eight, which could be said as 8x as much or 7x more. Using the word "more" in the phrase here means that they're referring to the difference between the two amounts in question, not a multiple of the lower one.

To belabor the point: If I have one apple and you give me another one, I have one more but two times as many. If I have one apple and you give me seven I then have eight total, which is seven more, but eight times as many as I originally had.

I hear this everywhere: "4 times more powerful than the leading brand," "get 10 times more results," etc. It irritates me to no end.

God knows how much stuff I say or write irritates other people.

Just Do That For Me

I don't actually look down on car drivers. I think that driving in the city is bad for me, the environment, and everybody, but I understand that some people have got to do what they have got to do. Not everybody lives 8-9 miles from work. Not everybody can deal with biking on the roads with homicidal maniacs. Not everybody can shower when they get to where they're going. Okay. I hope that all of those things change, but for now, ehhh. Just don't park in my bike lane and we'll be fine.

But is it wrong to get all fired up about the fact that NO ONE in this ENTIRE LAW FIRM uses the revolving doors?

• Does it save energy? Yes. http://www.slate.com/id/2196201/
• Does it cost anything to do? No.
• Is it hard? No.
  
• Can you go through them with your bags and a lunch in your hand? Yes.
• Can obese people fit? Pretty sure. I'll ask the two big guys in the computer room if they can squeeze in. If they can, anybody can.
• Is there a sign on regular doors that asks you to use the revolving doors? Yes, at eye-level.
• Is there a sign just inside the all-glass doors that says the same thing? Yes, behind every door.
• Are revolving doors more fun than regular doors? Yes, they're like a merry-go-round.
• Is there any good reason not to use the revolving doors? No.

And yet, nobody f#cking does it. It makes me angry and disappointed. Much angrier and much more disappointed than anything else. It's sad and pathetic. If you can't just push the revolving doors instead of swinging open a heavy, energy-inefficient door, you're just sad and pathetic and you make me angry and disappointed. And vitriolic. And thinking malevolent thoughts about what to put behind the doors to make you people understand. I'm thinking a spring-loaded garbage bin that throws the cafeteria waste onto you when you swing that door open. Garbage in, garbage out.

Really, just use the g-dd-mned revolving doors already, you wastes of air.

New Jeans

I'm stopped at a red light on my bike somewhere on Georgia Avenue. Three people start walking in the crosswalk in front of me. Two girls and a guy. One of the girls is in all black, from her shades down to her plastic ankle-cast. She says to the guy, "Are those new jeans? They look GOOD."

The guy says, "Yeah," and mutters something else as they walk away. At the same time, I think to myself, "I need new jeans!" and I check out what the guy is wearing. Dark blue, boot-cut, with a understated acid wash. I think, "Not bad."

The girl in the black cast sees me looking and smirks. On the other side of the road, now, I see her lean in close to the other two. Then the guy whips his head around and looks at me. I shake my head, as if to say, "Look, I just need new jeans, okay?"

Bring It.

I actually think the he-doesn't-drink-objection is totally pointless. If I were current events/politics guy I'd weigh in on guns or hard core drugs or international diplomacy without any personal experience. I do know, however, that you were making a joke. Hahaha.

Go ahead, Aak. Raise my consciousness. I dare you. You're like the sun shining on the forest floor and I'm a fern extending slowly in its bloom. If it works it's only temporary, mind you, because taller trees put out their leaves and steal your overwhelming brightness from me.

I foresee this becoming an e-mail bickering for the masses to read.

Revision

No, no no. The proper response to "Bibliography" is this:

"Why the hell did Aak write this? HE DOESN'T DRINK."

And I don't think of myself as Mr. News. I'm not "tops" on politics and current events. I'm simply aware of the world in which I live, and I do have opinions on that world. Like Hatandcoat, I don't hold any romantic notions of people who really research their elected officials, but, on the other hand, I get pretty disappointed in people who don't know anything about their country and don't care. I'm not saying Mr. Hatandcoat is one of these people. With me as a friend he's forced to be at least aware. Even if it annoys him. Too bad for you, Hatandcoat. Too bad.

Perhaps the next punishment for Hatandcoat not writing will be a "stream" of political blogging by yours truly. Please keep up with me, Hatandcoat, or risk becoming AWARE.

What, Me Worry?

Whatever. All I can respond with is attitude, not well formed opinion. I can say that if the drinking age is changed, 18 year olds would probably drink like they do now.

I have never had well formed opinions about social issues. I don't know if it's a lack of maturity or if it's just simply a lack of whatever it takes to care about them. I do think maturity plays a part. I still don't really think of myself as an adult on some levels. How many adults would blog about urine? I just have general attitude that whatever sort of "problems" exist is anybody's guess as to how to fix them. People can spout about them all they want, and I'm not a good spouter, so it's not my arena.

I often get annoyed when I come across people who get passionate while explaining their opinion on a particular topic. Aak is a good example of it. He'll explain something to me that has pissed him off, and I'll say "good point. How about Chipotle tonight?" If he persists, he'll try to lay out the basics for me, like "do you care that you have a government who spies on you," like that would stir me and cause a click somewhere in my brain. Perhaps I'm still in a holdover of some hard to shake teenage apathy. Here's how I know that that's a distinct possibility: I'm always reminded of a part in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I don't know if I remember the intention of what I'm thinking of correctly, but he talks about how there's no point in getting pissed at the people governing you because they could simply be replaced by a whole other set of people governing you who'll be equally clueless about your real needs. Getting interested in such issues may be incompatible with peace of mind.

I also don't hold any romantic notions of people who are really up on their current events. Like, if I know someone who's just tops on literature, or computers, or sports, or what have you, those are all areas that I don't know very much about, but can really look up to people who do for some reason. Current events and/or politics aren't the same way for me.

I'm using a public computer and am about to be timed out. Goodnight.

Bibliography

So apparently my co-blogger doesn't like to touch politics, not even with a plastic bag. Fair enough. But are all current events and hot topics anathema? Try this one, H&C.

All over the Internet, the story's going round that a lot of colleges are requesting that the drinking age be lowered to 18. Even my school-to-be, UMD of College Park, is getting in on this action. Here's an excerpt from the Baltimore Sun:

"Kids are going to drink whether it's legal or illegal," said Johns Hopkins President William R. Brody, who supports lowering the drinking age to 18. "We'd at least be able to have a more open dialogue with students about drinking as opposed to this sham where people don't want to talk about it because it's a violation of the law."

I think this is a great point. If drinking has to be hidden, there's bound to be people who can endanger themselves just trying to keep it hidden.

The article goes on to interview students. This is where things get weird.

Several students interviewed yesterday at Johns Hopkins said lowering the drinking age could reduce binge drinking. "I think alcohol is seen, a lot of times, as a forbidden thing, and people want it," said Jamie Hittman, 20, a junior from Columbia. "It's almost like contraband. Once you get it, you have to drink all of it."

Katie Buckheit, 19 and also a junior, said if people were exposed to drinking at a younger age, they would be more mature about it. "Maybe I'm being idealistic, but in Europe you can drink once you can see the bar," she said. "I think we should maybe take a lesson from what other countries are doing."

Okay, Baltimore Sun, check your sources. Mr. Hittman sounds like he is full of BS. Come on. "It's, it's like forbidden fruit, man. We wouldn't drink so much if it was, like, legal. So, when can we change the law? 'Cause my birthday's in April next year, so before then would be good."

And Ms. Buckheit, not everything is better in Europe. Check your sources. What kind of lessons are you looking to take from EU countries? How to be the heaviest consumer of alcohol in the world? I did a search for alcoholism in Europe and got so depressed I had to go down to the pub.

I guess at this point assuming that college students are going to wait to start drinking until they are 21 is about as naive as thinking that abstinence education will keep teens from having sex. I think it's a good thing that these college presidents are starting this conversation. Good luck to them! MADD has already ordered the hits. 100+ colleges will soon be looking for new presidents, preferably dry as dust.

Districted: def. 6e: to be obsessed with the proper names of locations within & around the District of Columbia

Apparently there are a ton of Salvadorians living in DC. Apparently most Mexican places are run by people from El Salvador. And apparently there are a lot of Salvadorians living, eating, and working in the "Chirilagua" neighborhood of Alexandria.

Some might call this location "Little El Salvador." But can we please, please call it "El Salvadorado?"

Aw, Crap

I guess it's inevitable in a blog called Districted. Politics. I haven't read the post yet but I know it's there, like a pile of your dog's poop that you've gone to pick up with your plastic bag then realize - after it's too late - that there's a hole in the bag.

Districted: def. 3a: forced to be political at inopportune times

A family member sent me this excerpt today, when I was at work:

During the primaries Obama often spoke about the inequities in the tax system, with wealthy individuals not paying their fair share. He is willing to double the capital gains tax rate just “for purposes of fairness.” President Bush’s tax reforms are a particularly favorite whipping boy for Obama.

Yet, one is hard-pressed to see the wealthy not paying their share of taxes or Bush’s reforms increasing inequality. In 2006, the top 50 percent of taxpayers made seven times the income of the bottom 50 percent, but they paid 32.4 times as much in taxes. Does anyone really believe that those in the top 50 percent got even seven times the benefits from government that those in the bottom 50 percent received?

When Bush became president in 2001, the top 1 percent of taxpayers paid about 34 percent of all income taxes. By 2006, their share had risen to 40 percent. Meanwhile, the share of income taxes paid by the bottom 50 percent had declined from 4 to 3 percent.

I responded thus:

I don't follow the line of reasoning.

Is Fox News saying here that people who make 6 figures or more per year are in need of 32.4 times as much welfare, medicaid, federal assistance, and police protection?

It's kind of silly to think of taxes as services purchased. Taxes go towards government programs that most of us agree we need: defense, roads, education, citizen assistance, etc. Do you think that you pay taxes just for yourself? Do you think that you should? This seems to be what Fox is saying.

Taxes can be a way of enforcing philanthropy. Not ideal, but would you trust every billionaire to be as giving as Bill Gates?

Also, "seven times" sounds like a huge amount, but look at the link: the average rate of the highest percentile was 22%. 88% of 500,000 is still more than enough to live on as well as to continue to innovate in your business. I just don't see the big deal.

I honestly don't get it. That is, I understand why the article was written. Fox News thinks its job is to bash Obama. In case you didn't know, Obama's a Democrat, and Fox's viewers generally don't like Democrats, so Fox keeps ratings high as long as the bashing and nitpicking continues. I understand Fox News's rationale.

I don't get the tax thing, though. Maybe I'll feel differently after 20 years' worth of paychecks being 2/3 the size I expect. Or maybe if I were ultra-rich, I would understand why I would need all $500,000. I really don't know.

A friend of mine once said that his girlfriend didn't understand how people could be Republicans. He told her, "It's easy to understand when you realize that people can be selfish and greedy."

Oh, that's unfair! I love my family, and it's full of Republicans. They're not like that. I think that a lot of the Republican votership is full of people who care about their country, their family, their faith, their ideals, their individuality, and lastly their wallets. It's too bad the Republican party has hijacked these good people. Because I don't think a non-greedy, unselfish, genuine, moral, or accountable Republican politician exists.

And yeah, I do think Democratic politicians are generally better people. Because I think they actually give a damn about people below themselves.

Rude

I had to go to a happy hour at RFD (which stands for Regional Food & Drink, not "The Real F*cking Deal" as some would believe) in Chinatown on Wednesday. It was to prove to ourselves that we could all hang out without the St. Louis guy. Irrelevant details. What I really want to complain about is the dude who called me rude.

I was biking from my office to Chinatown, which takes maybe 7 minutes. I make my last turn and start looking for the place. I decide I had better code-switch to being a pedestrian.

(I sometimes imagine that I am a Transformer, during this process, who can transform from a vehicle to a pedestrian with that "Whirrt-whirrt-WHIRRT-whirrt-whirrt!" sound that all transformers must make. It's the boy in me who swore to his parents that he would never grow out of his Transformers phase.)

Still on my bike, up ahead of me is a red light. Maybe one car waiting for the light. I veer into the left lane, slow down, and stop my bike in the pedestrian crosswalk. As I dismount, I hear the 40-year-old guy who is crossing the street with his younger ladyfriend say to the woman "That was RUDE."

I turn back and say, "Excuse me? Are you talking about me?"

He says from behind his purchased-in-the-80s wraparound sunglasses, "Yes. You were rude, stopping right in front of us."

My mind reels. I was nowhere near the two, and, although I did stop in their path, they were so far away, and they were traveling at such snails' paces, they hadn't even needed to slow down. I give him a confused look and say "What are you talking about?"

Before I could continue this stupid argument, I see my friend on the corner and say "hey!" She says hi, how's it going. I say, "I was just told that I was RUDE." She asks why and I say I have no idea. The 40-year-old and his arm-candy go into a bar.

I guess some people hate bikes so much that they will go out of their way to make bikers feel like scum.

What's wrong with people? Was he in that much of a hurry to drown his sorrows that he thought I was holding him up by simply getting in front of him? Don't people realize bikes are the only way to fix the smog we have in cities, short of putting a lot more money into the Metro system? That we're the effing saints in this equation, and that car drivers should weep with guilt whenever they see us on the road instead of engorging with rage? Please, shower me with medals, not with jibes.

Lawn Workin' It

I mowed my lawn today.

Riveting news, I know. But I loved it.

I think it's the nostalgia. I haven't mowed a lawn in, say, 10 years? Back when my parents lived upon a 3/4-of-an-acre hill. I hated doing mowing, just like I hated all yardwork and any other chore. I didn't understand why scientists hadn't developed a no-cut grass that only grows to a certain height. I also didn't understand why we had to keep it so short. My father liked the grass at no more than a buzz-cut. It was so lame, going up and down the hill, every week or so. It felt pointless.

But today felt kinda awesome. The sun was bright without humidity, there was a slight breeze, and I don't know why but it was a relief to do. I don't know how much lawn we have. I think maybe less than 3/4 of an acre, but not much less.

It's partly because I've been living in apartment after apartment for so long that I was lonely for a lawn without realizing it. Not that I use the lawn around my new group house that much. Today was the first time I had spent out in it for more than a minute. But having a lawn is great. You look outside and you see a wide expanse of green. I missed that.

High(lander) Thinking

When I'm on my bike, when I'm feeling relatively far from an asphalt death, some strange thoughts come into my head.

Such as: Why was Highlander popular?

The first movie was bad. The main character could barely speak English. Sean Connery dies off too soon. The love story was cheezy. The bad guy looked kinda pathetic. There are lines like "love is for poets" and "it's a kind of magic."

Why did the franchise blow up like it did? A bunch of movies, each worse than the one before, and a meandering series with another highlander? I watched them, sure. But why?

My theory, conceived as I navigated 14th Street, is that the Highlander is what guys want to be. Good with a sword and immortal. We watched it as young teens and thought, hey, that guy's awesome. Sure, you could want to be James Bond, but there are no guarantees about surviving a shot to the chest. If you're an Immortal, the only thing that can get you is a chop to the neck. We think, hey, we can deal with that. Do we get to dally with lots of ladies and then fake our deaths if we get too attached? Can we have lots of different adventures, practically never-ending? Do we have some sweet catchphrase to say after every swordfight? Check, check, and check.

That kind of hero worship is what's lacking from the latest Batman movie. The Dark Knight is an amazing movie, but the Batman portrayed is not somebody we really wanna be. Sure, he's strong, but he can't fight like Blade. Sure, he's got pretty good tactics, but he's no Jason Bourne. The best things he's got were waiting for him at his company before he got there: the Batmobile, the bike, Lucius Fox. So I'm guessing that there are no kids out there who wish they were Batman. More likely, they're wishing they were the Joker. My proof: on opening night, Joker outfits outnumbered Batman outfits by 4 to 0.

That sucks. Christopher Nolan, please smarten up the Batman in the next movie. And maybe have him fight with swords. A lot.

Craigslistin'

Today we met the 10th and 11th candidates for the open room in our house. All of them Craigslist responders. (Is there any other way to find a roommate in DC?) We have two girls that we like enough to offer the room to, but... well... we kind of want another "Johnson" in the house.

The house was originally a glorified frathouse, a few years before I got here. Then a girl moved in and slowly transformed it into a nice, cozy, and clean home. Then there were a few more girls here and there, and the house had a good balance of the sexes. When I interviewed for my room, there were two guys and two girls.

But now both of the other guys are moving out (one because he's running for office in his home district, and the other because he's moving in with his long-term gf). And we've already filled one of the rooms with a female. Is it strange that I'm holding out for a good guy roommate? If I have the choice between a really promising girl and a mediocre/boring guy, I'd pick the girl. But if we found a pretty good guy that I didn't have any reservations about, then I'd pick him over a comparable girl.

The interview process has been kind of fun. It's entertaining to interview and meet new people. There's a kind of nervous energy that I like. With good people, I enjoy myself, and with weird or bad people, I get to dissect their personality afterwards and figure out exactly what I don't like about them.

Some people don't know how to respond to Craigslist ads or how to interview for them. Here's a list of things to avoid:

1. Responding to the same people when they repost their ad.
2. Responding twice and copying and pasting your other email.
3. Hiding your indictment in federal court for medical insurance fraud.
4. Merely writing "Can I see the room?" without some other personal info.
5. Writing "Paying bills on time will ABSOLUTELY not be a problem."
6. Telling the story where you almost committed incest.
7. Insisting on checking all of the cabinets for cleanliness levels.
8. Not asking questions about the interviewers and about the house.
9. Saying that you're tired of writing about yourself and instead sending a link to a website which has a little too much personal information, like your Ayn Rand fetish, and which only has pictures of you holding beers and hanging out with your drunk friends (on your "professional" website).
10. Insisting that you are NOT a womanizer, even though that's what all the ladies usually think.
Addendum:
11. Using the "bonernose" email account.