Thursday, August 21, 2008

Just Do That For Me

I don't actually look down on car drivers. I think that driving in the city is bad for me, the environment, and everybody, but I understand that some people have got to do what they have got to do. Not everybody lives 8-9 miles from work. Not everybody can deal with biking on the roads with homicidal maniacs. Not everybody can shower when they get to where they're going. Okay. I hope that all of those things change, but for now, ehhh. Just don't park in my bike lane and we'll be fine.

But is it wrong to get all fired up about the fact that NO ONE in this ENTIRE LAW FIRM uses the revolving doors?
  • Does it save energy? Yes.
  • Does it cost anything to do? No.
  • Is it hard? No.
  • Can you go through them with your bags and a lunch in your hand? Yes.
  • Can obese people fit? Pretty sure. I'll ask the two big guys in the computer room if they can squeeze in. If they can, anybody can.
  • Is there a sign on regular doors that asks you to use the revolving doors? Yes, at eye-level.
  • Is there a sign just inside the all-glass doors that says the same thing? Yes, behind every door.
  • Are revolving doors more fun than regular doors? Yes, they're like a merry-go-round.
  • Is there any good reason not to use the revolving doors? No.
And yet, nobody f#cking does it. It makes me angry and disappointed. Much angrier and much more disappointed than anything else. It's sad and pathetic. If you can't just push the revolving doors instead of swinging open a heavy, energy-inefficient door, you're just sad and pathetic and you make me angry and disappointed. And vitriolic. And thinking malevolent thoughts about what to put behind the doors to make you people understand. I'm thinking a spring-loaded garbage bin that throws the cafeteria waste onto you when you swing that door open. Garbage in, garbage out.

Really, just use the g-dd-mned revolving doors already, you wastes of air.

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