Mix-n-Match

I am on Match.com. And that, dear Reader, is why there have been fewer updates in the blog arenas.

I find that I am exercising the same muscles emailing random pretty girls that I use when blogging. This is because some profiles leave you with so little to work with, you have to be creative. Or at least that's the approach I've taken. Here are some examples of first emails I've sent:

Title: What is the what

I haven't read it; I just like the title. I haven't even read Eggers's Heartbreaking Work yet, but I plan to.

I've also never been to Paris, but I would love to, someday. Hopefully when the dollar is stronger, or when flying isn't so much of a hassle (here's hoping). Would you say that San Francisco is the Paris of the West Coast? I imagine some similarities.

Have you been to Great Falls yet?

Take care,
(real name)

Result: Nothing.

Title: Hi

Oh fellow photographer, where's your favorite place around here to take pictures?

(I don't have a favorite place, myself. Not around DC, at least. I loved taking pictures in Alaska.)

Another question: you list chocolate and cheese as two of your favorite things. If you had to give up one for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I hope this beautiful weekend is treating you well.

Result: Nothing

Title: Hi

Love the red jacket in your profile picture. Where'd you get it?

Result: Nothing

Title: Dropping the Gauntlet (Hatandcoat helped on this one)

So, you like clever chefs, huh? I met Mr. Brown once. He licked my friend's salt container and sensed she'd made pork chops the night before. Weird guy.

Outdoors are good. I bike every day. I have biked to Baltimore. I'm probably better than you at biking. Do you want to race?

I'm a terrible swimmer, though. Our battleground shall be above sea level. How many triathlons have you done?

My last name is Slovak, too. Hope we're not related.

-AAK

Result: No direct response, but she changed her profile to say "I train 20 hours per week, so I'm probably faster than you. I hope you're comfortable with that ;)".

Title: I'm Gumby, Dammit (Hatandcoat also contributed here)

I'm guessing you liked A Clockwork Orange for all of the linguistic touches Burgess put in. His mixture of English and Russian was endemic of the times, and shows a dichotomy between the upper classes and the lower, downtrodden souls who resort to ultra-violence as their only means of escape. Thrilling work.

I'll be here all night.

Seriously, though, I am very interested in your work with the ESL program. I taught English in Japan for a year, and I would love to start up again around here. Do you use English in the classroom or do you only use English? I can't speak Spanish, but I've always wanted to learn.

Awesome Wayne's World costumes! Any plans yet for a Halloween outfit? I'm thinking of dressing up as the yip-yip alien from Sesame Street. You know: "Yep-yep-yep-yep-BRRRRING! BRRRRING!"

-AAK

Result: Nothing

Title: I Am a Balance Beam

Oh wait, balance beams don't actually have balance themselves... I mean I am a spinning gyroscope. I am all about balance.

My favorite sushi joint is Sushi Taro. Not because it has the best sushi. It's better than most places, but I don't know if it's the best. I like it because Japanese people won't go anywhere else. Most of the Japanese lawyers I know will only go there for business lunches or when their families come over. I get such a kick out of seeing them in the restaurant with their family or business partners; they all really enjoy it. They love the place. That's what makes it special, for me. You go in there and you feel like the restaurant is loved.

So what kind of camera are you rocking in that picture? Mine's a Nikon D300. I'm hoping to upgrade to a D700 as soon as I get some more photo gigs. D3's still out of my reach, though.

Result: Nothing.

Title: Monkeys

I wish I had a monkey picture. Why do all my friends have pictures of themselves with monkeys? Really. All my friends have shots of themselves cradling a chimp or bathing in a hot spring with Macaques or walking into the sunset holding a hairy hand. I'm jealous. How did you get your monkey pic?

I match you in all ways except the "cares about his job" part. I hate my current job, so I'm switching to part-time while I study to get into a career that I'm passionate (but not obsessed) about. So, if that's cool with you, drop me a line, eh?

-aak

Result: Nothing

So yeah. Match.com. Pretty lame so far. I'll try to get wackier in my emails as my paid-for time goes by. Look forward to THOSE, dear Reader.